Recently, I was made aware of a wonder of the modern world.... a fairly new spray that is supposed to - get this - REMOVE CHLORINE FROM YOUR SKIN! This is, as far as I can tell, the best invention evahhhh because chlorine is an annoying but necessary evil for us swimmers and triathletes. Here's the top 5 ridiculous reasons why:

(5) Chlorine is itchy. The stuff generally makes your skin feel like it's cracking into evenly spaced hexagons like the baked crusty earth of the Great Salt Flats out west in whatever state that is. Seriously. It makes shaking hands with you seem like you are wearing sandpaper mittens. But it's not itchy in the pool itself. It's only when you remove yourself, dry off, and are driving home that it attacks you with its evil tiny claws. Then you squirm like a rat in a cage in your car and wonder whether you would still be able to grip the steering wheel after you apply hand lotion (answer: NO).

(4) Your back is really far and awkward to reach with the only parts of your body that are equipped to apply lotion effectively - your hands. I am fairly certain that I quite significantly pulled a chest muscle two weeks ago attempting to apply lotion to my mid-back. I have yet to see my PT about it because I don't want to have to explain. If you are reading this, Andrew, I pulled it doing pushups.

(3) The kitchen spatula method of back lotion application (see #4 above) is only marginally successful in clinical trials, given my 'n' of 1 (which is me). I only resorted to this because I looked online and consulted my wise social media friends for a solution, but the only thing we found was a crazy handled massaging stick that was, like, 15 bucks, and looked like it might last, oh, you know, 15 seconds.  

(2) You look like a complete goofball applying lotion to your back with your kitchen spatula in the locker room, and sometimes you don't apply it because there are people there in the locker room. Then you twist and turn later trying to find the itch like a buck removing its antlers and end up pulling your chest muscle again.

(1) Last but not least, chlorine makes you smell awesome. People are constantly stopping you to say, HEY, you smell great. You don't at all smell like you work at the Clorox factory and use chlorine pellets for air freshener (not advised at all). 

Disclaimer: I have not actually tried this spray yet. However, in summary, I encourage everyone to try it out. If you don't, at least let me know what brand of spatula you recommend.